On the Road

You know the Gateway Blvd, Calgary Trail, 23 Ave intersection? The main traffic artery that leads into the heart of the city? I just realised why that intersection is in such disrepair! You see, the reason is that the people who are responsible for maintaining that intersection died in the potholes and cracks of the road!

You didn’t hear it from me, but word is that drivers who bump and shake through that intersection can sometimes see corpses of engineers jump out from the cracks! Can you imagine!? While they were hastily planning the construction of the artery, they didn’t realise that they were being built into it themselves! May their souls rest in peace…those sorry bastards.

My Eyes!

Hot Chicks with Douchebags, a blog written by Douchebag1, is all about “pictures of hot chicks with total and complete douchebags.” Essentially, a bunch of creepers troll the internet for images of hot couples so they can express their glorious jealousy. It’s hard to understand some of the posts (well, you understand that feeling well enough if you actually try to read my blog), but I think the comments are hysterical.

Samsung SyncMaster 205 BW

Once upon a time, I was in the market for a flat panel monitor to replace my aging CRT. I invested some of my time reading reviews of the many different models and decided to purchase a Samsung SyncMaster 205 BW. I reasoned that the competition between flat panel monitor manufacturers were such that the quality of the models currently available would be more than adequate for my needs. I was not a ‘hardcore’ gamer or a graphics professional so my needs were not particularly demanding.

I enjoyed the 20 inch panel monitor very much. But, a month later, something very unexpected began to take place; the monitor began to ’sag’. At first, it appeared that someone simply tilted it downwards ever so slightly. But, as time passed, the monitor leaned so far forward that it was obvious the ’spine’ of the monitor had failed. I looked at the piece involved and it appeared to be made of a metal material. It seemed that a great deal of force was required to break this piece and I had trouble imagining the circumstances which would cause such a break to occur.

A quick call to the store from which I purchased my Samsung revealed that my monitor suffered a defect and that others who purchased the same model were suffering the same spine problem. In fact, according to the store staff, the first person to report the problem was initially suspected of causing the damage himself! I understood that the metal piece must have appeared to be very strong, but that simply was not the case. It must have been frustrating for that man.

I promptly attempted to Google flat panel monitor reviews for any mention of spine or hinge or platform related problems and came up empty handed. Each online reviewer focused on the visual quality of the monitors and made no consideration to the platform upon which it is based. So, the next time I look for another flat panel monitor, I’ll ask if the monitor platform suffers any defects and avoid platforms which seem too complicated and delicate.

Of course, after I dropped my monitor off for the manufacturer’s warranty, the fam and I began a good , ol’ fashioned fist shaking ritual:

You know, they sure don’t make ‘em like they used to. You’d never suffer a problem like this with a CRT monitor. Look at mine! 5 years old! It’s still goin’ strong! It may be the size of a microwave oven and even cooks like one! But it works! A spine problem? Oooooh Lordy! Maybe tomorra my mice will start comp’aining ’bout a lasy eye!

Lasy eye…AHAHAHAHA…I kill myself.

Madness?

I was having a shower when the hot water ran out on me. Alright, it’s all good, it’ll warm up soon, I thought. A moment passed…then another…and another. Soon moments transmogrified into what must have been minutes. Why!? Why now? Why me? It was at that moment when a clear thought emerged into my consciousness. I thought to myself ‘I choose to be happy’. Then it began.

At first, I smirked. Soon, my smirk became a full blown smile, and that smile became stifled giggles. What was going on? It’s strange to recall, but I wasn’t thinking of anything funny at all. In fact, I wasn’t thinking of anything! Nothing! Nadda! Zip! Help! Here’s a guy taking a cold shower, telling himself to be happy, and laughing for no particular reason. The image was so stupid I couldn’t help but laugh even more.

I know what you’re thinking. Some are already convinced that I am somewhat insane. Now, after laughing to myself, alone in a cold shower, I wondered if I really was a bit crazy. I took a good look in the mirror and saw myself beaming back a great big smile. Do other people laugh like that? It was then that I heard my brothers laughing, their attention fixed to a computer monitor. I guess so.

I’m just easily amused, that’s all. So what? If you haven’t laughed to yourself while taking a cold shower, you’re the one with the problem. Maybe my brothers had a better excuse, but I don’t need excuses! I’ll laugh in your face if I have to! Maybe I’ll laugh at you…rather than in your face…but you get the picture. I think I’ll just stop here.